A quick simple answer is NO!
Since my heart operation in February 2021 I’ve become even more non-responsible than before. I spend more time entertaining myself than caring for my wife; which in her love language is service and giving gifts.
One of my alibis is that she’s very talented and crafty and doesn’t need anything because she makes what she needs. This is true; but it’s spending my day on FaceBook and YouTube instead of fixing up our house that are disappointing her. And some of my tasks are cleaning up my dysfunctional and cluttered Den (especially when I’m not finding things that are in my Den)!
And I have blogged in another post about my abusive behavior towards my sons and my wife. We are a close family still with grown children and grandchildren. So while everything is OK, I have a tarnished legacy. My sons have not done this, but I had told them both that if they ever went for counseling, to take me along as I am the beginning of the chain.
I’ve had brain fog ever since my surgery. I could help myself by getting into a routine and getting tasks done. But I accept any and all distractions. Then I’m overwhelmed by how much I’m not getting done. And there’s a lot to do. I haven’t kept up with my financial records or correcting the records at companies I pay bills to since we’ve moved to a new house. And many repairs have been necessary since our new home wasn’t maintained anywhere close to the one we left.
WELL – it’s a new year. Except it looks like last year looks like last year -phooey!
But I can turn things around where I live – which is my house – which is my church – – – – But since I’m stuck here by my cardiologist and my wife I should be smart enough to make the best of it. So right now I have a job to fix the cabinet doors (cobbled together by the previous owner with glue, not screws) which it looks like it’s going to take some time and running around (with mask) to get all the parts I need. BTW – my goal is to have this house in working order by spring.
So my operational verses are :
- (Philippians 4:6-7 WEB) 6Be anxious for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. 7And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, will keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.
- (Philippians 4:12 WEB) I know both how to be abased, and I know how to abound: every where and in all things I am instructed both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need.
- (Romans 8:26-28 WEB) 26Likewise the Spirit also helpeth our infirmities: for we know not what we should pray for as we ought: but the Spirit itself maketh intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered. 27And he that searcheth the hearts knoweth what [is] the mind of the Spirit, because he maketh intercession for the saints, according to [the will of] God. 28And we know that all things work together for good, to them that love God, to them who are the called according to [his] purpose.
Prayer and the trust of the Lord is the only way I’m going to have the energy and direction to become a worthy husband. I have been an Elder in the church and fit the qualifications stated in Titus.
(Titus 1:6 WEB) If any is blameless, the husband of one wife, having faithful children, not accused of riot, or disorderly.
But a person can fit these qualifications and still fall short of God’s desire for the family. Being in charge of the home can work, but still fall short of love. It is love that creates infectious Christians. And that would be because of love, tolerance, engagement, laughter, shared experiences, etc.
(Matthew 19:4-6 WEB) 4And he answered and said to them, Have ye not read, that he who made [them], at the beginning made them male and female, 5And said, For this [cause] shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they two shall be one flesh? 6Wherefore they are no more two, but one flesh. Therefore what God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.
(Ephesians 5:25, 28 WEB) 25Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; … 28So ought men to love their wives, as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife, loveth himself.
In all of this it is the husband’s God given responsibility to make everyone one in the family feel safe. And not just physically safe, but morally, relationally, financially, mentally, etc. And families should be able to talk without judgement and trust in what the father says, which he gains by being a good listener. And in this case the wife also needs to be a good listener. There should be good shared experiences with recreation, discoveries, and times of relaxing together.
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