I find myself not understanding my moods and my laziness. I’ve developed really poor sleep habits. My temper is coming back. I don’t believe I know myself as well as I should. I realize that I can’t fix myself without the Holy Spirit and my own introspection.
This would maybe be OK if this was the worst I’ve been. But watching junk on the internet and physically and verbally abusing my family has built repercussions that are going to literally last me a lifetime. So since I’ve created the problem and continue to create others I need to look inside myself and let the Holy Spirit change my spirit.
My picture of myself needs to change and match God’s view of what I can be. I find myself, as many others do, remembering all of the false images I was exposed to by others as I grew up. The church I grew up was very liberal and devoid of God’s guidance as how to change this dynamic.
The following verses are my guide in this process. One very important thought gives me comfort. I can be confronted by God and know that He will not condemn me but only seek to strengthen and guide me in my walk of faith. I see myself as a cat and God sees a lion.
(Psalm 139:23-24 WEB) 23 Search me, O God, and know my heart; try me, and know my thoughts: 24 And see if [there is any] wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.
((Psalm 51:4 WEB) Against thee, thee only, have I sinned, and done [this] evil in thy sight: that thou mayest be justified when thou speakest, [and] be clear when thou judgest.
(Romans 12:3 WEB) For through the grace given to me, I say, to every man that is among you, not to think [of himself] more highly than he ought to think; but to think soberly, according as God hath dealt to every man the measure of faith.
My key verse as always is Romans 8:26. If I don’t know myself by now it isn’t God’s fault. No matter the source of my “bad habits, hang-ups, and sins” I’m the one that needs to fix them. And as Proverbs 26:12 states I’m worse than a fool if I attempt this search on my own.
(Romans 8:26-28 WEB) 26 Likewise the Spirit also helpeth our infirmities: for we know not what we should pray for as we ought: but the Spirit itself maketh intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered. 27 And he that searcheth the hearts knoweth what [is] the mind of the Spirit, because he maketh intercession for the saints, according to [the will of] God. 28 And we know that all things work together for good, to them that love God, to them who are the called according to [his] purpose.
(Proverbs 26:11-13 WEB) 11 As a dog returneth to his vomit, [so] a fool returneth to his folly. 12 Seest thou a man wise in his own conceit? [there is] more hope of a fool than of him. 13 The slothful [man] saith, [There is] a lion in the way; a lion [is] in the streets.
These verses are hard for me to read. They highlight much of my issues. Right now I’m working on this post instead of praying reading scripture. The only one I really need to be distracted by is God.
God can give me the insight I need just out of the blue. But He really desires that I spend my time on this search in prayer and searching His Word. Accountability partners and mentors can also be of a great help in this as they may have gotten through a similar process themselves and will have a second pair of eyes and ears to observe things that my clouded vision and failing hearing have missed.
I do though actually study scripture while I’m working on my blog post. There so much to learn and so much that brings conviction to me. All this is good. Like bragging on my wife and never telling her how much I love and appreciate her. In both cases its God and my wife that should hear my praise first and often.
The acrostic I use for prayer is Adoration, Confession, Thanks, Supplication, and Surrender (ACTSS). Surrender is not often included in this acrostic. But to me if I’ve not fully Surrendered to Jesus Christ, as I stated in my confession before my Baptism, I’d be wasting my time.
Surrendering to Christ (again and daily) – wayocross